Imagine you get invited to someone’s house to hang out. You’ve never been invited over so you figure you’ll go.

Everyone is drinking but you’re not. You’re really there to just be with people and give your kid and opportunity to play with kids he doesn’t regularly play with.

The other people there are all inebriated (this detail is only relevant because drunk words are sober thoughts) to some degree and a conversation soon sparked about… well about you!

Even though all the comments are super positive and kind, you find yourself feeling uncomfortable with the attention. You want to deny all allegations of awesomeness thrown your way. Eventually, you kind of want to leave because imposter syndrome is setting in.

You don’t leave and eventually the conversation turns away from you.

You are safe.

Life goes on.

This happened to me not too long ago.

I got compliment bombed at a group gathering full of people I knew but had never really hung out with before. It took me by surprise for a few reasons. Some of which are: I didn’t know they thought so highly of me, I didn’t know they thought I was a good mom, and I didn’t realize that was also probably the reason they didn’t want to spend too much time with me.

But what really shook me was; I didn’t know how to accept the compliments.

I couldn’t just say “wow, thank you! I am so flattered that you feel this way about me!” or “You ladies are being so empowering! Thank you for lifting me up!” Instead I was felt awkward and unworthy of the praise.

This is not an uncommon reaction for women to reject or feel uncomfortable with compliments.

We are taught from a young age to be modest, be humble, to not hurt peoples feelings, we are unworthy or not good enough, etc… and that confidence comes off as bitchy, conceded, unbecoming, or whatever else people have chosen to tell us to keep us down.

As I was processing this experience, my coaching training kicked in. I asked myself later why I couldn’t just accept the compliments? Why did I feel so uncomfortable?

I do believe part of it is because of my people pleasing training. I imagine there is a small part of me that still believes that if a compliment is given to me, it takes away from someone else somehow. Logically I know this isn’t the case but those messages run deep apparently.

There is also probably a component of feeling like an imposter or unworthy.

They clearly don’t see my insecurities so how could I possibly be worthy of their praise?

At the end of the day, I decided to accept and believe their compliments.

Why? Because why not?? Why not accept the love and admiration from other women? Why not allow myself to be lifted up? And hopefully, when my daughter sees me accepting compliments and lifting up other women as well, she will grow up knowing that she is worthy.

Of course I deserve it! I deserve all of the good stuff. We all do!

My challenge to you, my reader, is next time you feel inspired to share with someone something you admire in them that you do it. I challenge you to uplift another woman with your words.

Furthermore, I challenge you to do the even more difficult bit of allowing women to uplift and compliment you! Next time someone tells you something they admire about you, say “thank you!” or “I really appreciate that” or whatever else way you can think to accept a compliment.

As you do this, you will be lifted up and you will lift up others.

Have you ever dealt with bullying and gossip and haven’t known what to do with it? Check out this post!